새벽녘의 사수 슌란/16권

Chapter 16: Clinging to What is Precious
Another cursed fate had been severed. After the flames erupted and the explosion continued unceasingly, the brittle rocks of the cave collapsed, forever sealing the demon within.
'Yeow!' Dau reacted with surprise coupled with pain as his back was slammed against the snowy ground. Looking up at the cave, he was met with even greater surprise. He knew their plan would be enough to bring down the inside of the cave, but its outer shell was crumbled as well, carving a new base into the landscape. With balance lost, the loose, unnaturally broken stones started sliding away, taking much of the slope with it. 'Was it... Was it meant to do all THAT?'
'This full-on cave-on must have been the Oni,' Chunlan replied. 'He couldn't block the explosion from every direction with his powers, but he probably messed with as many of the rocks inside as he could before his death.'
'So his habit of pulling out rocks from his surroundings to make shields just made things worse for him this time. Makes sense, but no way did he cause that huge an explosion. Was that the Blade of the Thundering Skies?'
'I don't know, but I'm sure she could tell you.'
At some point they had been rejoined by Sayu, who stood by to observe what just transpired. Unlike her companions, there was no hint of surprise on her face. 'That was a hydrogen explosion. The logic is simple—the true purpose behind the artifact is to collect and deconstruct water molecules, so I just gathered them up in a cave and had Chunlan ignite it.'
'Sayu!' Dau cried with joy. 'You're all right! Are you hurt at all? I have no idea what you just said, but as long as you're okay, I'm okay!'
'In one ear and out the other... What about you, Dau? Are YOU okay? Even after using Shin again?'
Dau reacted with a grimace as though the question reminded him he was indeed severely injured. All around him, the snow was dyed a deep red.
Dau!'
'Damn... Guess the wound opened up,' he grunted. 'Can't believe I screwed up this bad.'
'It's okay, I think. The wound's only opened up a little bit—but that doesn't mean you're good to move around just yet. Lay back for me.'
'Yeah. Sorry...but thanks.' Sayu procured some herbs and bandages from her pouch. Chunlan wanted to help, but as he tried to sit up, he was overcome with a wave of exhaustion and numbness in his legs and fell right back down.
'Not you, too, Chunlan...'
'I'm fine,' he reassured Sayu. 'I think all the adrenaline from fighting is just finally catching up to me I'm nowhere near as bad off as Dau.'
After inspecting Chunlan's wounds, Sayu seemed to believe he was telling the truth, and she quickly returned to patching up Dau. Still, her worries were getting the better of her, and she would glance in his direction now and again between her work.
'I really am fine... Just let me rest for a bit,' he said, voice weak with an overwhelming drowsiness. 'If you don't have any medicine to perk me up...then I'll just sleep for a bit. It's not like I'll...die or...'
Chunlan trailed off. As his vision dimmed, he could have sworn he could see two people he recognized behind Sayu as the sunlight peeked from over her shoulder. The snow beneath him, cold as it was meant to be, felt more akin to a warm bed as he drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later, Chunlan was awake and leaning with Sayu in the shade of a tree as they watched the sun continue to rise. Though they weren't looking at one another as they spoke, gazing into the same sky in peace gave them a deeper sense of connection than doing so ever would.
'I wish I could have learned what the Oni's deal was,' Sayu mused. 'I still have a whole lot of questions.'
'And I wish I could tell you,' Chunlan responded. 'But I will say that toward the end, I did feel kind of sorry for him. It felt like something was pushing him to a point where there was no turning back even if he wanted.'
'You thought so, too? Though I suppose it's all moot point now... He attacked, and we defended ourselves. That was all.'
Dau slept soundly near a pile of straw the two managed to put together. According to Sayu, the worst was over, and he would recover. At the same time, they both looked over to the collapsed cave along the slope.
There was no sign of movement.
Mount Whitecrown had its natural silence returned to it at last.
'I think I finally get why you can walk your path without hesitation,' Chunlan said.
'Do you? In a way that will help you along your own path?'
'Yeah. I think it will.' Chunlan had dreamed briefly that he was reunited with his father. They exchanged no words, but the dream was a simple one, unclouded by indiscernible emotions. His father told him he was proud of him—that he could now move on to find his next goal in life. And, after ruffling his son's hair much as he did so often while still living, he disappeared.
It was enough to remind Chunlan why he was always so bound by everything his father told him.
'I've always wanted my life to have meaning,' Chunlan continued. 'I wanted meaning to feel like a Matagi. Meaning to know I really was 'facing life,' as my dad had put it. And not knowing how to find it left me at a standstill.'
'But after meeting you and just giving everything into seeing your goal completed, I think I better get what he meant. Meaning isn't something to search for or justify in the moment—it's something you find when you look back on what's been done. If I can think back on the life I've faced and see that it meant something to me, then I've already fulfilled our beliefs as Matagi.'
Though weaved into another's path, he found something new and wonderful about himself that he would never have found otherwise.
'Heh. I guess that makes us opposites.'
Sayu let out a small chuckle followed by the brightest, widest smile Chunlan had seen from her yet. Having lowered his gaze from the environment surrounding them to meet hers, Chunlan was left to wonder how such an unrefined smile could feel so serene at the same time. So clear were her eyes then that he could even see himself in them—a face with a similarly brilliant, warm expression that he almost could not recognize.
Feeling suddenly sheepish from watching her for too long, he turned away. 'Opposites?'
'Well, for me, I feel like meaning comes first. Before I do anything, I make sure there's meaning behind the decisions I'm making.'
'Wow. Then we really are just as opposite as you can get.'
Since Sayu had faith that her every action would be worth something, she never had to look back and wonder if that she had done was worthwhile. Chunlan, however, thought it better to look back at what was done and glean a new, more solid foundation from the path already forged.
'I'll always be stuck in the past, I guess,' he whispered.
'I don't think that's true.' Sayu pointed his attention to the Blade of the Thundering Skies. 'I think you're a little more like me than you think. We never could have won this fight without you. In fact, I'd say we won our battles because you trusted that your help would turn the tides in our favor.'
'And maybe I'm a little more like you than I think, too. Our paths and goals just happened to cross,' Sayu continued, 'but here we are now, looking back and having gotten something out of this coincidental experience. Meaning.'
Both sides brought something of themselves to the day, working to cover for each other's weaknesses in order to overcome a series of great trials as a team. Despite their short time together, they knew that what they managed to achieve was no small accomplishment.
'So, it sounds to me like you were able to find what you were looking for.'
'Kind of.' Chunlan did have an answer, but he felt it was one among many possible answers to be discovered. Yet for now, at least, it was enough to give him a direction to start walking. 'Not sure if I'll be able to stick to the path I've found the way you guys have.'
'I think you'll be fine. You remind me of the Matagi who showed me mine—and also how I was when I first met him.'
Chunlan still did not know who that vagabond was who showed Sayu her way all those years ago, but he was grateful for the great change he brought in her. In that sense, Chunlan could very much see how he was like the lost little girl the Matagi had guided.
'I wonder what he was looking for in his travels,' Chunlan pondered, 'and where he was going.'
He thought about the past two days some more, and he was left with the sense that had closed a journey he never thought to trek. He met new people he could trust, unbound himself from a broken past, and found courage that would see him to a mended future in such an unimaginably short amount of time—and he was so very proud of it all.
What a sweet feeling it was to realize his life was worth living.
'This might be a big gamble on my part, but...maybe it'd be a good idea to take up new trails. Continue searching for an even bigger path to walk. Like you guys.'
And so Chunlan decided he would take his first steps toward the future. There was no firm road to guide him—but he trusted, with most certainty, that the beaten path walked would look incredible when he turned back around to admire it.
To Be Continued

第16回　価値をその手に
　一つの呪わしき因縁が、またここに絶たれた。
一発の弾丸は火球に姿を変え、閉鎖された環境下で邪悪な存在を呑み込み、焼く。そして留まる事無く膨れ上がる爆炎と衝撃波は洞窟の構造をも揺るがし、脆い岩石層を崩落させる。　「いでっ！　……って、な、何でぇこいつぁ！？」
背中を地面に叩きつけられながらも、痛覚を驚きに上塗りされるダウ。次の瞬間、彼は更なる驚愕を目の当たりにした。　
爆発の影響で緩やかな崩壊を辿ると思われた洞窟が突如、その内外の岩石を到底自然には起こり得ぬ勢いで変形させ始めたのだ。瞬く間に重量バランスを狂わせた洞窟は、その地形ごと盛大な崩落を遂げる。
　　「おいおい、一体何が起きやがったってんだ？」
　　「これがあの《鬼》の最後だ。
全方位から襲い来る爆轟は、岩壁でも決して防げない。
最後は、手当たり次第の岩に干渉したんだろう」
　　　「それが裏目に出て、岩使いの癖して岩に埋もれたってか？　
判らんでもないが……結局、あの爆発は何だったんだ？
あれが《震天の雷剣》の力だってぇのかい？」
　　「……そこら辺は、一番の先生が君の身内にいるだろう？」　
二人の傍らには、いつの間にかサユが座っていた。驚愕の色を特に見せていない彼女だが、それ以外の全てはシュンランやダウと同じものを見ている。
　　　「水素爆発……簡単な理屈だよ。
《震天の雷剣》の真の力は、水分子を集めて分解する事。　
　それを洞窟に貯めて、後は着火するだけであの通り」
　　　「サユ、お前無事で良かったぜ！　ケガはしてねぇか！
よくわからんが、お前が無事なら何でもいいぜ！」
　　「……相変わらずこの手の話は右から左だね。
それより、ダウ兄こそ大丈夫？　《シン》を放ったら……」「あ……いってぇ！　畜生、気ぃ抜いたらこれだ！」
ダウは脇腹に視線を落とし、思い出したようにその表情を苦悶に支配された。彼の周囲の雪は既に赤く染まっている。
　　「ダウ！」
　　　「畜生、流石に傷口が……痛ててて……不甲斐ねぇな……」　「……大丈夫、幸いまだ開きかけ……
でも動かない方が良い。応急処置するから寝てて」
「ああ、悪ぃが頼むわ……」
麻袋から包帯と薬草を取り出すサユ。自分も何か手伝わねば。シュンランは立ち上がろうとするも足の力が抜け、自身も仰向けに倒れている事に気づくのは、数拍を経ての事であった。　「シュンラン！」
　　「大丈夫だ……連戦の疲れと痛みが溢れただけさ……
ダウほど深手じゃない……」
サユはシュンランの身体の動きや出血を見て言葉に偽りが無いと判断したのか、シュンランを案ずる視線を保ちながらも、ダウの介抱の手を早める。
　　「だが……少し休ませてくれ。気付けの薬も無いなら……
幸いここなら寝ても……死にはし……はず――」
　シュンランは薄れゆく視界の中で太陽を背に覗き込むサユの後に、二人の懐かしい人の気配があるように感じた。背中の雪とは裏腹に、それは不思議と暖かい入眠であった。
　　　「結局、あいつは何だったんだろうな」
　　「わからない……でも、最後は何か哀しげだったかも。
何かに引きずられて、後戻りできないみたいで……」
　　　「……君もそう思うか。まあ、俺達には関係ないけどな。
俺達は理不尽な暴力から身を守った、それだけだ」
数時間後、目を覚ましたシュンランとサユは木陰に腰掛け、次第に晴れ行く空を見ていた。今だけは、同じ空を見る方が向かい合うよりも通じ合えそうな気がしていた。
　ダウは近場で見つけた藁(わら)の上に寝ており、サユ曰く容体は安定しているらしい。
二人が少し斜面を見下ろせば、そこは洞窟の崩落跡。《鬼》の復活の気配もなく、ただ静けさを取り戻した白笠嶽があった。「サユ……君がどうして迷わずに進めるのか。
ようやく、それが分かった気がしたよ」
　　　「そう……それはキミのためになれた？」
　　　「ああ、なったとも」
シュンランは、短い夢の中で父と再会していた。言葉は多く交わさない、入り混じった感情の発露も無い。よくやった、次はお前自身が探すんだ、とだけ父は言い、シュンランの頭を撫でる。ただそれだけの夢だった。
　それでもシュンランが、かつて父の言った言葉に自分が縛られていた理由を、そして今の自分に何があるのかを振り返るには十分であった。
　　「俺は自分のする事に“価値”がずっと欲しかったんだ。
《マタギ》として命と向き合う、それに見合うだけの……」
そしてそれを喪失した空虚な期間は、自分から価値に向かう意志を、そこに何の意味があるのかを知る勇気を奪ってきた。「だが……君達と手を取り合って、君達の使命を……
道を守る事にこの身を活かせた今ならわかる。
俺が求めたのは、後で胸を張って意味があると言える価値だ。
今なら言える、俺には《マタギ》である意味があったと」　
そして、まさにそれを以て自分の道を見据える少女。自分が歩み続けた道は、その少女のために身を結んだのだ。
　　「……ふふ。なら、わたしとは“逆引き”かも」
サユはそんなシュンランに、知る限り最も躍動の多い、そして澄んだ笑顔を返す。空から視線を降ろしたシュンランは、こんな笑顔はこうも静かに作れるものなのか、と何気なく思いつつサユを見ていて気付いた。彼女の瞳に反射したシュンラン自身も、サユの笑顔以上に自分らしからぬやたらと晴れやかで澄み渡った表情をしていた事に。
しかしシュンランは気恥ずかしくなり、すぐさま顔を伏せた。「逆引きって……？」
　　「わたしは……どちらかと言えば、意味が先にある。
営みの一つ一つが無意味じゃないって確信できるから……　
　その先に自分だけの価値を作れるはずだと信じてるだけ」　「なるほど、確かに逆引きだ」
サユは、その営みが確かな意味を持つと確信するからこそ、未来に新たな価値を求める。
それは、過去に遡って自らの道に確固たる土台を探し求めてきたシュンランとは、似ているようで対極であった。
　　「結果論に過ぎない俺は、まだまだか……」
　　「……そんな事はないよ」
サユは、《震天の雷剣》をシュンランに指し示す。
　　「この勝利も、わたし達だけじゃ成し得なかった……
わたしからすれば、むしろ判り切った意味の先の価値より、
今そこにある意味を追い求めたシュンランのお陰」
　両者は、互いが営みの中で育んできた技術を以てして、互いの弱点を補い合い、壁を乗り越えた。それは決して容易な事ではなかった。
　　「わたし達は、目指すものも、生きる意味も互いに
補い合える関係だった。だから、共に戦えた。
そしてわたしは一つの価値を得て、キミは意味を得た」
そして、向き合いながら共に歩む中で糸を手繰り寄せてきた。「だから……キミは一つの答えに至れたんじゃないかな？」　「一つの答え、か……」
この答えは数ある答えの一つに過ぎない。それでも、シュンランが自ら生きる道の価値を求め続ける指針として十分足り得るのだろうか。
「俺も……この先歩み続けられるかな……君のように」
　　　「できるよ。わたしに今の道を教えてくれた《マタギ》と
あの時のわたし自身……シュンランは、両方に似てるし」　
かつてサユを導いたという、旅の《マタギ》。彼が如何なる人物なのか、何故旅をしていたのかは分からない。しかし、彼がサユに何を与え、それがサユの中で何に変わったのか。似ていると言われたシュンランは、今なら何となくわかる気がする。「その人は旅で何を見つけて、どこに向かったんだろうな……」
改めて感じれば、シュンランは一つの旅を終えた時のそれにも思える感覚の中に在った。たったの二日間で得た仲間と、越えた壁、断ち切った戒。シュンランの辿った軌跡は、これまでの何よりも濃密で、そして新しかった。
　これが意味を見つける事、価値を得る事であるならば――　「これも賭けになるかもしれないが……もっと大きな道を
歩むのも良いかもしれないな。まさに君達のように……」　
故にシュンランは、一つの道を定めた。
決まった旅路の無き道、決まっていないが故の意味のために。
　　続く